Shallow America

I am so sick and tired of living an average life with average friends. For a while now i have been feeling like except for a few most of my friendships are lacking in some way, like the engine missing from a car. People always look to me as the guy who has all the friends but i dont feel thats true, i may have aquaintances but i dont have friends.

Part of that is my fault, not having alot of time to committ to my friends, But recently God has been showing me that I need to committ to my friends and build closer relationships, but still its very hard. We live in a society where "how are you doing" should only receive a "fine" response as we walk by each other, we dont have time to be real, to sint down and have a quality hour talk with someone randomly, and i feel we as a nation are suffering.

We as america have this false mentality that we are in this alone, that my family will build our little fence and isolate ourselves from the rest of community, and we wonder why our lives fail. We need each other, God says that its not ok for man to be alone. I have found the best way to form a strong friendship is just to be real, good and bad, be valurnable, cry with them laugh with them, love them for who they are and committ to them. Those are easy words but sometimes so hard, because we are scared of rejection. I want more real friends, i want to persuit people but you know true friendship is a two way street. sometimes i feel like i am persueing someone to the best of my ability and they are doing nothing in return, thats very hard. I know i need people and i know i have alot to offer but sometimes i dont feel like people want to show that they also crave affection and curl up in their individual shallow lives and not dont let anyone in. How can we change this? how can we break free from our bubble and truely experience community and the love of people like God intended? 

Application Status: Admitted

IMPROV!!

Losing Control (part two of "Completely Satisfied")

I was spiritually attacked yesterday and it felt demonic. I had a long but amazing conversation with Dave about relationships, ministries, and the direction of chi alpha. We talked about how we could allow God to use us in a greater measure. Afterward I was heading to my families house but first had to stop home to grab some items. I knew where they were but I was not able to find them and anger overtook me, that’s when it hit me. I felt like I normally feel when entering the spiritual realm, a sense of clairvoyance and colors became brighter. The only difference is instead of feeling God and complete joy I felt, pain, fear, and despair. I worshiped for a bit but then headed to my families for prayer.

Once there my brother Josh called the demonic influence out as a result of me losing control in my life. Not being able to find the items was just a physical representation of me no longer having control. At that point I lost control of my life but failed to give control to God and demons came in to grab it. I usually feel like i can control things in life and don’t need God. I pray but then I do it. I ask God to be enough for me in relationships and he has my heart but then I try to analyze whose "The one" and then pursuit her. Because of my control I feel if I don’t pursuit her correctly then she won’t like me, its all about me and what I do or don’t do. This directly parallels my relationship with my own mother, if I want her love then I have to go get it, and she like every female I ever liked, never peruses me back.

I feel God wants me to Lose Control and rest in the knowledge that he has someone for me. I can look for her but when I find her it is not going to be all me to win her over. It is going to be a little bit me and a little bit her but mostly God, and if I don’t feel her or God pushing then I should stop trying to make something happen. This is not only in relationships, If I want to be a leader, speak into someone’s life, or just be a friend, I need to first lose control to God and let him do the bulk. Lord I submit control to you, and I am going to rest in you.

Completely satisfied

God told me a long time ago that I would never get married until he was enough for me. For the longest time I did not know what that meant and i found myself chasing girl after girl trying to find my fulfillment. God is teaching me how to be whole, a whole believer, completely satisfied in him. During the break I took some time alone, without friendships on the scale that I needed, without relationships, and focused on just the Creator. I found that when you find your complete fulfillment in him then you are able to be yourself, open and wild, better than the effect of drinking a pint of beer. When your complete worth is found in the eyes of the creator, no longer are you looking for satisfaction in others, the fear of man isn’t an issue. No longer do we "leach" from our friends but we provide to them real love, and that’s a real friendship. One on one each person giving to each other out of the abundance of the heart by seeking God themselves, i believe this is what God means when he says your cup will overflow. And all this comes from being face down before God, "Lord I want your finger".

Talking to God and in thinking over this last month all I can do is thank him. I feel him working in my life, restoring me, and bringing me fresh Joy. He bestowed in me confidence, and taught me what it is to be a friend to gain friends. But most of all he is showing me to survive and be completely satisfied with him and him alone. He is making me a whole person and I am enjoying every moment of it.

This flows into my personal life with women as well. Since I no longer need the approval from women that I once did, i find it increasingly easier to talk to them. Whether it is in a casual friendship relationship or a potential dating relationship, I know who I am, I don’t need them, but i can choose to want them, this is healthy. God is good all the time and all the time God is good, I submit to whoever is reading this, Seek first the kingdom of God and all else will be added onto you. Live life and live it more abundantly.